Something is squeezing my skull

Apologies to Morrissey, but this week is already feeling like one of Those Weeks.

Things are pretty tight, and if I'm a dollar off, stuff doesn't happen in the right order or at all. Not rocket science, but definitely stressful in terms of making sure that things that need to work continue working, etc. It would have been nice if this wasn't happening when other things I've been trying to juggle are refusing to juggle as nicely as I'd like, or if all of this wasn't happening in the same week as reaching another milestone in the "living with an ageing parent" part of my life.

I keep reminding myself that I signed up for this, but it's hard when she creates a physical boundary for me by smoking in the house. Thirty minutes downstairs last night made me feel sick much of the evening, and my sinuses are making my skull a truly unpleasant place to live today. I'm finally to the point where I've as much as told her that her smoking inside makes it pointless for us to share a building, and if she doesn't quit -- or at least meet me in the middle by using a patch or electric cigarette when it's too cold for her to do that -- I may as well see if the bank will take a deed in lieu of foreclosure and pack her off into assisted living because I physically cannot do what she needs me to do in that environment. Which is absolutely true. And exhausting.

So, you know, the usual.

The writing has been a mixed bag. I'm really pleased overall with the work I've done so far this year -- he says, 23 days in -- but am feeling a lot of anxiety while I try and get some of the outlining together for something I want to get started this weekend. This isn't an unusual state of affairs. As I joked with my roommate this weekend: "It's not like this should be so difficult! It's not like I have to, oh, make everything up or anything! Oh wait." The main source of stress is that I've struggled a fair bit with longer fiction of late, and it's easy to latch on to those stumbles as reasons to be afraid of trying again.

Mostly, I am countering this by a) pointing myself to my Alice novella and reminding myself that I did that while also doing my last semester of college, and b) reminding myself that not trying is an automatic failure, and if I am set on failing, wouldn't I rather at least fail in interesting ways?

So that's fun when it's fun.

Basically, I'm spending a lot of time right today wishing for just the right flavors of feeling secure and cared for, while knowing that what I really need is to to a) make these things for myself, b) be flexible, and c) actually accept what others offer me, even when it's scary or I feel like a burden. I'm extraordinarily lucky in that regard because have friends who are kind, amazing people who occasionally reassure me that if everything really does come apart I can build a yurt in their yards and live as their full-time cabana boy.

Not that this is the actual plan, mind you, but it's nice to have a fall-back. It's a nice change from putting myself in a position where I feel I'm not allowed to fail, ever, and that doing so is literally the end of the world.

And now, links:

- I could stop listening to this weird, major key version of R.E.M.'s "Losing My Religion," but I'm not sure I want to just yet.

- Seanan McGuire talks about women in cover art, including some really negative reactions to the cover for Discount Armageddon (which I admit I haven't read yet because I was too busy mainlining the Toby books last year).

- Jane Bond, and her empowered, self-confident Bond Boys! I confess, I'd sort of love for this to be a real thing if someone would execute it with rigor and seriousness instead of going ha-ha, nudge-wink, isn't it cheeky comedy. Aggressive subversion of the male gaze is maybe a favorite thing for me right now.

- Oh look. Flaming goat cheese in Norway.

- Roommates with disabilities struggle to keep the power on. From the article: "Tipton-based Co-Mo Electric Cooperative shut off their power Tuesday morning, even though that meant the loss of heat and medical equipment." This strikes me as missing the point entirely of having a cooperative instead of a hypothetical evil corporate energy overlord. At least the hypothetical overlord is bound by law not to let people freeze.

- From New York magazine, Why You Truly Never Leave High School.

And now, more Aleve, water, and grumping.

Minimally processed linkdump is minimally processed

The Food Timeline
I've been reading a bit about food recently. Specifically, I've been looking into historical meal time habits. On the way, I discovered The Food Timeline. Now? I cannot look away.

DAVID TENNANT KNOWS SOMETHING ABOUT THE DOCTOR WHO ANNIVERSARY BUT THE BBC WON’T LET HIM TELL US
You guys. How much do I love David Tennant's inability to not tell us things by not telling us things? Enough that I left that headline in all caps. That's how much.

4 Copy Editors Killed In Ongoing AP Style, Chicago Manual Gang Violence
If there is a gang sign for MLA, somebody needs to teach me.

Trouble in the Henhouse: The Scam of Organic Eggs
When I talk about having chickens, a big part of that conversation comes down to the fact that I really loathe commercial egg production. While this is a step above de-beaked battery hens who can't move, this is a serious problem on the industry's part. As organic grows into a thing that people want -- and I tend to think that ways of producing food that are less poisonous, destructive, or cruel is a worthy aim, so I can see why it should be -- industry is going to want to make as much money on it with the least amount of effort for the mass market. That will include this kind of shady dealing. Kudos for Cornucopia for their vigilance.

Boxer And Kitten Nuzzle Tentatively, Remind Everyone To Embrace Each Others’ Differences
Thing is, that dog's body language is deep in the confusion place. Lots of little stress signals, lots of backing away. There's a bit of trying to play, too, but the owner doesn't want a boxer-sized creature dog playing with a kitten. So. Still kind of adorable, but not quite as "AWWW!" for me as it could be.

Quote Investigator
Not so much a specific link as a recommendation for an entire site. I like accuracy, I like citation, I like knowledge. Quote Investigator has lots of that, which is great because it is chock full of all three of those things. Hooray, research!

Minimalism is Simple: 30 Day Challenge
Basically a 30 day decluttering regimen. Looking at my house, it will take many more than 30 days to unclutter this madness. Still, I'm trying to move in a less pack rat-ish direction. This could be good practice. Now all I need to do is find a box.

And now, an etude on the trombone, as viewed from the end of the slide:

Sunday Night Linkdump

So today I cleaned part of my kitchen, lost interest in cleaning the kitchen, and then cleaned my writing office with a furious passion. And then, because I'm one of Those People, I also burned some incense and a candle and sprinkled some salt water and some salt mixed with pepper, and then made some noise, and generally hit the Big Reset Button on my workspace.

And it's wonderful.

Also wonderful: having a laptop again means finding myself at the end of the day with some tabs I'm not quite willing to close without sharing. So here you go.

on internet hatred: please inquire within.
Amanda Palmer talks about Internet bullying, and how the "off" switch -- i.e. physically going away from the bullies -- doesn't quite exist anymore thanks to the Internet. It hurts my heart to read about her discovering Amanda Todd, and to think about the friends I have who have been the subject of some incredibly nasty behavior online. It's a thing I wish I was better at helping the people I know who deal with this. She's also looking for folks to share their stories and their coping mechanisms.

Retelling Alice: PW Talks with A.G. Howard
I haven't read Splintered, but I'm curious about it based on some of the stuff Howard says about her process and choices. Partly, I think I'm curious to see how her Wonderland compares with the one I wrote for (re)Visions: Alice. I'm a nerd like that.

Forget steam: Some Victorian era machines were powered by dogs
Look, I could offer useful commentary here, but all I can think is "OMG DOGPUNK."

Historic Religious Firsts in the 113th U.S. Congress
Progress! It's slow progress, but even slow progress is progress.

The Macroeconomics of Middle Earth
I admit, I've never actually had this particular thought about Smaug and the events of The Hobbit. Now that I have, though, I can't quite un-think it.

Meanwhile, back in the 21st Century…

So 2012 was bad for me in terms of electronics. My netbook fan went kaput and my phone was out for a few months, and I wound up staring down the barrel of The Way Things Used To Be for a little while.

Having grown up in the late 20th Century with a few years of pre-Internet and pre-Wireless Everything under my belt, this wasn't the trauma-fest it could have been. In fact, there were some areas in which an involuntary unplug was actually kind of beneficial. Still, the situation overall wasn't ideal. I do most of my writing on a computer, and many of the people I like and hold dear live far afield. As much as the whole Frontier Days experience was useful, I'm glad it's over.

So now I'm sitting on the sofa next to Gwen, who's been kind of clingy since late November and wants always to be snuggled up against and/or playing with one of her humans, learning my way around my shiny, refurbished Lenovo X200. It's an older machine, but this has been a good morning in terms of feeling very comfortable with it. I miss having a touch pad for my mousing tasks, and it amuses me that the touch screen requires a stylus, but this is a big step up from the HP Mini I was using in terms of screen real estate and flexibility.

I can work on this. I can play with this. Yes.

One of the casualties during the Great Unplug was access to certain journaling and social networking sites. I anticipate seeing these more often, and figuring out whether or not they still benefit me or make me happy. It's also going to be a damn sight easier to blog and work now that I'm not confined to Other People's Stuff to do it with.

1/2 and all is well.

I've been thinking a lot of late about my inner critic.

I'm really good, in general, at deploying the Duct Tape of Silence when I'm doing creative things. There are some things I'll stick on when I'm writing, but I'm not sure it's the inner critic talking at those points so much as my inner Sheldon Cooper, who thrives on having things set and organized in a very particular way.

Blogging, though, isn't a critic-free activity for me. Whenever I sit down to do it, it seems to be a much bigger thing than it ought to be. I do these things in public, you see, and I have a deep-seated thing about not being bad at at things I do in public. My skill is my armor, or maybe it's sleight of hand -- don't mind this vulnerable human being, look at the shiny thing over here -- but there you go.

This isn't so much a resolution that I'm making to blog X times a week, or make more posts about {thing} so much as it's putting the thing down somewhere into words. So. Mission accomplished.

2012 was an interesting year.

There were some firsts, like a first trip to NYC, first ever royalty check, first time turning 32, first time raising chickens. I deepened my involvement in the local pagan community, ended my involvement with an organization I had developed a toxic relationship with, went to True/False and Gallifrey One, and worked the haunt. I spent nearly half the year without a portable computer, and about a quarter of the year without a telephone. I started eating meat again, got a new tattoo, and put my dreads back in.

I wrote less than I intended to but did a lot of really necessary self-work in terms of dealing with a lot of the dumb things I did to myself in 2011. I brought in 2013 quietly and happily with mead and MSNBC and a big kiss from one of my awesome dogs.

And really, I don't feel compelled to make a resolution as such. I have goals and intentions -- like taking this to heart, turning some of last year's really good ideas into this year's manuscripts, and trying to afford a T/F pass -- and I'm happier with those than I would be if I tried to set immutable goal posts. If nothing else, 2012 taught me a lot about mutability and doing the things that the moment allows for or requires.

So, you know, I'm going to go with that.

Something, something, linkdump, something.

Oh hey! Stuff.

- How to Live Without Irony
A long and thoughtful piece about how irony can be destructive. Heavy on the anti-hipster attitude -- which I think is not entirely fair -- but the point that some of these incredibly common behaviors are fear-based, or at least preemptive surrenders is a good one.

- Is Doctor Who A Religion?
Interesting concept, and not a bad argument, though I think most people tend to think there's an element of belief that most people associate with religion (even if that sort of belief isn't really necessary if one allows that, say, Buddhism and Taoism can be religions) that isn't really present in Who fandom. That said, there are plenty in the fandom who'd call Doctor Who a way of life. Maybe it's the difference between being a Stoic and practicing Hellenismos?

- They Cracked This 250 Year-Old Code, And Found a Secret Society Inside
Being part of a world that's been powerfully impacted by secret societies -- Hello, Western democracy! Hello, modern druidry! -- this kind of story interests me on a lot of levels. Really, though, the best part of this is the way the article describes the process of cracking this thing open, finding other corroborating materials, etc. Also, the pictures. Very cool.

- It Doesn’t Matter Nate Silver Is Gay. It Matters America Knows He Is.
Nate Silver's sexual orientation would, in a sensible world, be irrelevant. We do not live in a sensible world. In fact, in a world like this, Silver's sexuality more or less serves to further piss off certain kinds of conservative. And, of course, to give me a reason to dance.

- If you’re 27 or younger, you’ve never experienced a colder-than-average month
But hey, it's not like global climate change is a real thing, right?

More election maps!

Remember how some of us thought it would be cool to see the popular vote, county-by-county? Boom:

(Source)

This page has a similar map, plus some other takes on the state-squishing population visualizations, including this one that combines almost everything we've seen so far:

And then there's this interesting-but-disheartening map charting out which states saw a spike in racist post-election Tweets:

The source for this one goes much deeper than the other, explains the methodology used, and contains other links to articles about the phenomenon.

Something about an election.

Yeah, I've been away for a while. October was haunt season -- I'm a monster! -- and late October/early November are basically the heaviest season in terms of my liturgical year.

And now I have the World's Most Hideous Head Cold. Which is, you know, hilarious because people make awesome faces when I try to talk and this ghastly noise comes out.

But yes, crud aside, I am alive and thinky. And what has me most fascinated today is how we can best visualize the votes cast in the latest US election. Because man, I cannot stop looking at these.

Most of us have already seen the basic electoral map, showing 332 to 206 in favor of Obama:

Which looks pretty straightforward. Red states, blue states, and a big number at the top. Thing is, while the Electoral College is a pretty straightforward thing (with the exception of Maine and Nebraska, both of which can split their states' votes according to congressional district), it's not like voters in these states ALL vote red or blue. In reality, these things look a bit more like this:

Likewise, the basic map above tends to skew the data presented by simply coloring in land mass. Montana's huge red blodge seems more massive than Rhode Island's wee blue one until you do something like this:

So is the basic electoral map useless? I don't think so. But I do think it creates misconceptions about what the actual data looks like, and that these other visualizations can make clearer the actual shape of the results.

(Note: the electoral map is from HuffPo, the other two were circulating on Facebook.)

Friday Linkdump is civically engaged

We open first with an educational video: Samuel L. Jackson's (moderately not-work-safe) "WAKE THE FUCK UP."

And you know, while this is pro-Obama, I believe pretty firmly that being informed and active is critical regardless of your political views. Educate yourself, get registered, and participate in politics. As I told a friend yesterday who intends to vote for Jill Stein -- which I think is a totally valid choice based on his values -- engagement is the crucial thing.

The system we use here in the United States was built on the idea that nations should self-govern in a radical way, and one could argue that movements toward greater equality like women's suffrage and the civil rights movement grew out of the culture created by those values.

Are things imperfect and always a work in progress? Boy howdy, are they. But political apathy is stupid and breaks democracy. It actively prevents us from making positive change. If this sounds like work, that's because it is. That work is the price of admission, people. Do the thing.

(Also, please don't get your political news from e-mail forwards. That's the intellectual equivalent of eating out of a public toilet. With your fingers. At a Greyhound station. Seriously. Just...don't.)

And now, other links:

- VIDEO: Republicans caught committing voter fraud, only registering Romney voters
A young woman working for the Colorado Republican Committee asks people who they plan to vote for, only offers to register people who want to vote for Romney, and then claims she's working for the County Clerk's office. Stay classy, Colorado Republicans.

- Phoenix Mayor Attempts to Live on Food Stamp Budget
I don't really know much about his politics, but I have to say that Mayor Stanton has earned my respect for trying this. SNAP-type benefits have been a part of life for some of my friends and family, and a lot of people don't really understand what it's like to experience that kind of poverty, or how SNAP works. Definitely worth a read.

We still can’t have nice things.

My roommate and I just started watching The IT Crowd tonight. It's entertaining, though I worry about the way it's already affecting our banter:

Him: (playing Skyrim) "I'm collecting horses now. It's like shoes, but with horses."

Me: "Are they at least big enough? I mean, you're at least an 8 1/2."

Him: *glowering* "How dare you."

Personally, I think it may now be a race to see how quickly I need my inhaler or manage to start a fire versus how long it takes him to start bleeding.